You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
My feet surprised me
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
