kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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