Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
