Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I can't put those talents on a resume
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
