Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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