JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i think i have two assholes
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
