I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
