I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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