Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Randomize
