One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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