i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
