Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Randomize
