You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
