I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize