She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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