I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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