there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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