I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
