that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
