he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
