at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
