It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
