I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
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