I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
