This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
