I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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