My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
