So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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