yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
