32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
