you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
