none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize