Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
