Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Randomize
