I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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