Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
