so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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