In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
