just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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