what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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