I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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