Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
