Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
