My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Randomize
