dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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