I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
