addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
