She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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