Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
