Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My legs feel like baby dolphins
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize