oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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