he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize