We won't sleep together?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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