I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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