I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
