she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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