The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
