Soap is not a condiment
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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