I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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