She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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