I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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