Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
