yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Randomize
