Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
and she was petting her beer can
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Randomize
