I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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