end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
