So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
this is an emotional support booty call
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
