If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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