i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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