My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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